Singapore.. Singapore

i'm not HOMESICK.

just that my heart always drops everytime i see pictures of singapore.

i have been away from home for nearly 4 years. how time flies!

everytime when i see familar pictures of home, i just stared at it.. for a very long time. always wondering.. how it feels to be at the exact same spot right now.

then memories started flowing. yah.. i have been there not too long ago. the 1st picture down below is near clifford pier --- fullerton. yes! i remember fullerton, that is one of my hang out places. my favourite cafe -- bakers inn is there.

boat quay, raffles city and marina square are nearby too. i used to frequent all these places with my friends and family. i wonder how they look like now?

singapore changes so fast. when i was still a student, it looks different every year i go back. it has been 2 years since my last trip home. oh my...i think i will flip when i get back.

i think i have mentioned this before -------> where is home? what clifton says is true. we are like the transatlantic birds..migrating around trying to find the perfect place.

i have lived in singapore for 21 years of my life --- the most important 21 years, before coming to the states.

been in tucson for 3.5 years and suddenly, tucson feels like home to me.

now.. i landed my butt in california. will i call california home too?........... i don't know but i don't think so..

i think singapore is still the only one and true home to me. i grew up there. that is where my family and friends are.

i'm still listed as an alien here and i NEVER will give up my singapore citizenship to get residency here.

however, i'm scared to go home.

will i get used to the culture back home? that is my biggest concern. i'm used to being direct [and i know where my limit is]. @ work here, the policy is OPEN COMMUNICATION and HONEST OPINION, sometime i think that we are too honest to the stage of being hurtful. well.. well this is the typical american corporate culture.

i think that if i do just that back in singapore, i will get my ass fired within one week on the job. most chinese/singaporeans want FACE. NO FACE NO TALK. me cannot handle that. i hate chin-na boss.

and.. how to deal with those kan-cheong aunties and everything must be first singaporeans ah?

i think in the rocket-paced society back there, i will always be the last. die lah, like that how?

only the lord can help to ease my anxiety and i shall trust in him for directions.