i have alot of things to say but i chose not to.
there are people who are reading this blog that i don't want them to worry about me.
all i can say is that california is very pretty. beaches are gorgeous, great places to shop & eat, weather is fantastic, a wonderful place above my head and a good job.
but to me, this city is too pretty to touch and why the intense emptiness in me?
somehow along the road, i have forgotten how to be strong and happy.
sometimes.. i hope to lead a very normal & predictable life.
graduate from poly, if possible go to a local university and then off to work at a local firm. very simple kind of life and maybe an enclosed one too.
i have been here in the states for 5 years already. it is still very hard to deal with people leaving and all those long distance kind of things. maybe is just me, i'm a sucker for relationships.. friends leaving, me flying in and out of singapore, leaving all my friends in arizona and come to california and have to deal with a complete new environment again. it is tiring. as i grow older, i want a place called home. i'm sick of flying and people coming in and out of my life.
this time coming back from sin was especially hard. i don't know why.
i'm still trying hard to adjust back to life here again.. california is not my cup of tea. everything.. humans, places are just all too far off from each other. since coming here, i have been very grateful for the help and some very amazing people that i have gotten to know but.... i don't think i have been very happy.
like what i have said before, whether is at work or outside, im very grateful for things here but i'm not happy. maybe is time to go home for good soon.
i'm tried.
i find this sight rather amusing. not that i'm surprised by it at all.
only THIS day; TODAY -- 14 Feb... that i see only men crowding around the flower area in the grocery shop.
why does the nights seem so loooog now... i'm getting less stronger these days.
damn cool!
now, my uncle is a msn junkie. after he discovered msn..FINALLY!!! he's always online. partly also, he now uses that to communicate when his customers from overseas.
i just told him.. it feels so good to see him online; makes me feel as if a family member is @ home with me.
5 weeks are not that long..
but why do i feel like i'm no longer the same me before i left?
i've become so nonchalant to things.
when i asked the server if grey goose (vodka) on the rocks come in half glass or full glass... this shows something is not quite right.
..............................my mind is still SINGAPORE!
this is not a question to be asked here cause is standard, it will always be to the brim. however, this is not the case in singapore. most of the time, it only comes in half glass. drinking in singapore is horrendously expensive.. which is good in a way.
eat, drink, love... the beauty of my vacation.it doesn't feel right being back here.
testing.....................
have been back for 4 days already. still trying hard to adjust back to quietness.
it was not a smooth ride back frm taipei to LA. the tuberlance was driving me nuts. i have been flying so often and i never once felt nausea before. this is the bloody first time that i was looking for that BAG. it lasted for a solid an hour and a half.
this trip back home gave me alot of time to do some serious thinking (thank God for that extra 3 PRECIOUS weeks). one thing i realised is that when i'm back, whether is chilling out with my friends or spending time with my family, the feeling of happiness is hard to describe.
here, esp since moving to california, i feel contented and thankful most of the time, not necessary happy. i'm thankful to the lord for bringing incredible individuals to my life here but somehow, an important ingredient is still missing.... as what my cousin described when he was in australia.
nothing beats home and also friends whom i have known for so many donkey years who bring so much joy and craziness to my life.
i'm back!!!!
i don't mind all the unpacking and cleaning but i REALLY REALLY hate having to go thru all my MAILS.
there are a gazillion of them. 5 weeks worth to be exact. ARGH!!!!
